My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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