Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
