Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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