i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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