It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
