My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
