and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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