If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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