We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
