You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
