i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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