The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it was like eating out sand paper
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
