You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
