he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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