Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
