We named our party play list daddy issues
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
