I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
