There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
