He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
