And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
