Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
