I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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