peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He better not be in your backpack
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
