ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
