Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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