then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
