We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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