Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
