When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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