OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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