I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
