...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
