I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i think my cat just said my name.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
