She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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