Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
