Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
