Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
