Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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