if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
