Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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