i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
