so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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