this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
