idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
