I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
