thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
