Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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