Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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