First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
