Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
