Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
