her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
