I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
