i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
