We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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